Ask Any Evil Cat
by Berrycloud12catface
Summary: Tigerstar, Hawkfrost and Brokenstar have decided to start their very own show! Because... Everyone else is doing it. Simply ask a question in a review (as long as it's for an evil cat) and the designated cat will be forced to answer honestly! Please keep the questions appropriate for the current rating, which is T, just in case.


The lights are low, the steady thrum of a drum can be heard as the dark red curtains are lifted to reveal dark shapes moving across the stage. A single spotlight comes on and starts weaving across the stage, momentarily illuminating cats of all shape and colour. Another spotlight, and another, until every cat has one trailing them. They line up in the middle of the stage, and the spotlights all change colour. Three large brown tabby toms step forward.

"Hello, and welcome to the first episode of Ask Any Evil Cat! I am one of your hosts; Tigerstar! The evil one…" Tigerstar said in a loud clear voice, "and this is Hawkfrost, my son, and Brockenstar, who helped lead the invasion on the clans! Although, I'm sure you already know that…"

"The rules are simple; _you_ can ask any evil cat a question in a review, and they will be forced to answer honestly." Brokenstar mewed.

"but, since this is the first episode, we're just going to ask the questions ourselves!" Hawkfrost said holding up a stack of cards.

"first up is Rainflower! Wait… Rainflower? Does she even count as evil? Who wrote these cards?" Hawkfrost mewed looking from Tigerstar to Brockenstar. They both looked guilty, staring at the floor, and fidgeting.

"that would be me," They both said at the same time. "Wait, what?" they said together,

"I thought I was going to ask the first questions!" Tigerstar exclaimed.

"no, Snowtuft told me I was supposed to do them," Brokenstar growled,

"Whatever, do I skip this card or…?" Hawkfrost interrupted.

"no, just read it out," Tigerstar said grumpily.

"'did you ever want throw Crookedkit in the river to drown?' which one of you wrote that?"

"me," Tigerstar said. "so, Rainflower? Did you?" a long silence.

"dad, you forgot to ask her onstage," Hawkfrost whispered loudly in Tigerstar's ear.

"Erm, yes, Rainflower! Please enter the stage." Tigerstar mewed, and the evil cat padded onstage, batting her eyelashes and smiling smugly.

"stop it, Rainflower, no-one likes you," Brokenstar grumbled. Rainflower looked insulted.

"Rainflower! 'Did you ever want throw Crookedkit in the river to drown?'" Hawkfrost asked her. Rainflower tilted her head thoughtfully.

"yes. Along with; feeding him to eagles, abandoning him past Highstones, burying him alive and slitting his throat. Is that all, can I go now? I have an appointment with Oakheart… I think he wants to spend some mother-son bonding time with me!" Rainflower said happily. Brokenstar snickered.

"Suuuurre he does." The old ShadowClan leader meowed, bowing her offstage.

"what was that all about?" Hawkfrost mewed in confusion once she was gone.

"mmm, family stuff." Brokenstar mewed slickly. "read the next card."

"Darkstripe, who do you like better; Tigerstar or Mapleshade?" Hawkfrost mewed. A cat from the line started to edge away.

"Darkstripe! Get back here." Brokenstar growled, and Darkstripe padded sulkily forward.

"well? Tigerstar or Mapleshade?" Hawkfrost asked as Tigerstar cracked his knuckles threateningly.

"um…" Darkstripe mewed, sweat trickling down his forehead. "T-Tigerstar. Wait, which one?"

"me!" Tigerstar said grandly, flicking his head. "Okay, go away now." Darkstripe padded back to his place in line.

"next up is Clear Sky!" Hawkfrost said, and the light grey tom padded onstage.

"why did I agree to this?" he moaned dramatically.

"you didn't have a choice. 'What is your favourite type of fresh kill?'" Brokenstar said, reading over Hawkfrost's shoulder. "Seriously? Who wrote that one?" Tigerstar didn't speak up.

"squirrel. Is that all you needed from me? If so, then this was a gigantic waste of time." Clear Sky grumbled.

"no, this next one is for you as well," Hawkfrost said, grinning. "would you rather eat fox dung, or be an apprentice to Grey Wing for a moon?"

"Eat fox dung, obviously!" Clear Sky gagged. "Grey Wing is the worst goodie-two-shoes ever!" Hawkfrost, Tigerstar, Brockenstar, Darkstripe, Snowtuft, Mapleshade, Breezepelt, Sol, Darktail and all the other cats lined up stared at him.

"that's the stupidest decision ever." They all said in perfect synch. Hawkfrost kicked the stupid Skyclan leader of the stage.

"and that wraps the first episode of Ask Any Evil Cat!" Hawkfrost said to the audience.

"make sure to keep an eye out for future episodes, and post a review," Tigerstar meowed, grinning,

"and have a wonderful day!" Brokenstar said, and they all bowed low as the curtains where drawn.


End file.
